John Oliver spent 21 straight minutes on HBO brutally eviscerating psychics… and it’s beautiful.

Psychics may seem harmless and fun on TV, but they’re scumbags who make a lot of money by exploiting vulnerable people during some of the most difficult times of their lives.

I bet they never saw this coming, lol

[NEW VIDEO] Carry this secret thing in your pocket, and screw with people all day, every day

Make virtually *anything* appear to squeak, squawk, or squeal when you touch, poke, or squeeze it! Endless funny prank ideas.

As is shown in the video, you can probably assemble what you need for this in your own town, sort of a Do-It-Yourself project.

But, if you’d prefer to save the time, money, and energy, you can just order the things, ready to rock, right from me.

mouth-squeakers-packaged

Here’s the deal:

Get two (2) MOUTH SQUEAKERS (each packaged separately with full instructions), for just 5 bucks.  Free shipping. Just five dollars total for TWO of these evil MOUTH SQUEAKERS delivered to your door.

Cool? Cool.

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Why I was reported & banned from Facebook (uptight douchebags, please ‘unlike’ my page)

So, earlier this week, someone “reported” a post I had made, and it resulted in Facebook banning me for 24 hours.

What was it?  Explicit nudity?!  Hateful rhetoric about race, religion, or sexual orientation?!  Photos or videos of dogs & cats being abused?!  Footage of an execution?!

Nope.

Here is the offending photo I posted:

masturbation_social_story

I captioned it with something to the effect of, “Ohhh. So I should NOT do that while riding on the bus. Okay.”

So here’s a little context.

That page is from a website called ‘Living Well With Autism,’ where they provide free resources for parents and caregivers of children with autism. This particular page was from a section that deals with sensitive topics, such as puberty, personal safety, and appropriate behaviors.

Makes sense now, eh?

BUT… outside of that context… not knowing the original intent of that page (and there is nothing ON the page to suggest its intended audience or use)… I FOUND IT FRIGGIN’ HILARIOUS.  And so have a LOT of other people – I found it on an online message-board-forum thingie, where people were just giddy about how ridiculously odd and funny it was.

And I imagine, when you first saw that image, your response was something to the effect of, “lol… wut?!”  …the same reaction that I – and thousands of other people have had – when it’s seen out of context.

So, anyway, someone who “likes” my Facebook page “reported” me for that. They reported me for a line-drawn teaching-aid.

Uptight, much? Jeez.

And this is not the first time I’ve been reported.

The first time was a few months ago, when I posted a photo I had taken of a crazy woman standing in a bar at an electronic gambling machine, with her pants half-down. It was funny. I mean, c’mon. Some crazy lady was playing slots with her slot out.  FUNNY.

Look… I understand that what *is* and *is not* offensive to people is completely subjective. What one person may be totally fine with, the next person might be so repulsed that they have a nervous meltdown.

HOWEVER… these people ‘liked’ my page.  I’m not forcing anyone to “follow” me.  THEY found ME.  And there is NOTHING about me or my live show or my Facebook page that should suggest that I provide squeaky-clean, Disney-esque, for-all-ages content.  My audience for my shows – and for my social media outlets – is adults… adults who know who I am and what I do.  I have a pretty sick sense of humor, and it shines through in nearly everything I do.

AAAAAAND… The crap that I post is TAME compared to MANY Facebook pages.  There is a LOT of sick shit out there.  There are a lot of twisted muthafuckas on Facebook.

Oh, here’s the kicker…

If the content of my post was so offensive that it warranted being reported to the FB police, WHY DIDN’T MY NUMBER OF ‘LIKES’ DECREASE?  You’d think that, if I offended someone so much that they reported me, they’d probably click “unlike” so they could stop following me, right?  Nope.  The number of ‘likes’ is the same.  If I’m so offensive, WHY WOULD THAT PERSON CONTINUE TO FOLLOW ME?

So here is a plea:

If you are such a Puritan uptight prude that you can’t handle skewed senses of humor and opinions that differ from yours, PLEASE UNLIKE MY PAGE. I don’t want you there. I don’t want to interact with you, I don’t want to offend you, AND I don’t want you to come to my live shows. I don’t even want to run into you in public. Just do this:  Lock yourself in your house and – for fuck’s sake – STAY OFF THE GODDAMNED INTERNET.

Or maybe I’ll just start posting photos of cute kittens.

I just got pranked harder than I’ve ever been pranked. Ever.

SLEEPING Nathan Allen The Maniac of Magic Iowa Magician Iowa Comedian Iowa Entertainer Iowa Entertainment

I got pranked so hard this morning. My g/f, Sara, sends me this photo, says she received it last night, demanding to know who this woman is, and freaking the fuck out.

(A) I was alone last night, (B) I’m not a cheater, and (C) I don’t even recognize the woman.

So I’m in full-on panic mode, especially after several stalker-esque emails I’ve been receiving, AND all of my underwear disappeared from my home recently (not even kidding). I’m physically shaking because someone has taken the casual-stalking a bit too far, there were strangers in my room while I slept, and my love hates me and thinks I cheated.

After much dedicated jealous & angry acting on Sara’s part, I find out that she and her friend, Jackie, had snuck into the house around 4am and took the photo (I didn’t recognize Jackie in the pic) without waking me with their giggling (I was snoring pretty hard), and left.

So hard.
I was pranked so, so hard.

Sara: 1
Nathan: 0

Sunday, February 17, 2013 – Waterloo, Iowa – Live Public Show

FEB 17 2013 WATERLOO IA 13th STEP Nathan Allen The Maniac of Magic Comedian Magician Entertainer Entertainment Des Moines Iowa

At a glance:
Sunday, February 17, 2013
The 13th Step
1607 Sycamore Street, Waterloo, Iowa
The insanity starts at 8:00 PM
For more info, call 319-232-6161

THE MANIAC OF MAGIC IS COMING TO WATERLOO

Waterloo, Iowa – Part magician, part comedian, and totally dysfunctional, Nathan Allen will be bringing his highly-caffeinated blend of magic and comedy to Waterloo! Allen (dubbed “The Maniac of Magic” by his peers) will be making a stop at The 13th Step (1607 Sycamore Street) on Sunday, February 17th. The adult-only show will start at 8:00pm.

Yes, Nathan Allen is a magician, but don’t be fooled – you will see NO tuxedo and NO sparkly boxes in this show. Instead, Nathan combines his twisted sense of humor, sleight-of-hand magic skills, and hilarious audience participation into one of the very few magic shows on the face of the planet that is both geared for adults AND funny.

The best trick up Nathan’s sleeve is his ability to connect with a crowd, and it’s a trick he can pull off whether he is at a corporate event or a biker bar. With a knack for being a bit naughty and tons of fun, without being offensive, Nathan’s personality-driven performances have been described as “Edgy, funny comedy and magic at its best” (Naturally Funny Entertainment; Chicago, IL), “Funny, fast-moving, unique, and very entertaining!” (Vetesnik Power Sports; Richland Center, WI), and “Action packed, funny, and unpredictable!” (Iowa Emergency Management Association; Des Moines, IA).

The International Brotherhood of Magicians recently presented Nathan with the Iowa Magic Award, based on his technical skills and entertainment value. He is the only magician ever featured in “The Grassroots Comedy Tour” and “The Dirty Jokes & Magic Tricks Show”. His entertainment services won him a full-ride business scholarship to attend college. Of the dozens of magicians in Iowa, Nathan was the only one selected to perform onstage at Iowa Governor Culver‘s Inaugural Gala. He has appeared on international television on TV3, broadcast from the United Kingdom, and has been seen here in the USA on NBC, ABC, and PBS television news programs. And yet, in a typical example of his priorities, he insists that he is most proud of being elected Class Clown.

More than just something out of thin air, Nathan’s slow-but-steady rise in the entertainment industry is the result of a 15-year, love-hate obsession with his work. He started learning magic when he was only 8 years old and did his first paid performance when he was just 12. Now, at the age of 28, Nathan has a long list of performances under his belt, for companies including 3M, Alliant Energy, Charter Communications, Honda, RadioShack, Swiss Valley Farms, and Wal-Mart, to name just a few.

Nathan is based out of Des Moines, Iowa. He drinks way too much coffee, and in his spare time, he enjoys arguing with the television… when it’s turned off.

For more information about who Nathan is and what he does, visit him on the web at ManiacOfMagic.com. For more details about Sunday’s show in Waterloo, call The 13th Step at 319-232-6161, or visit them on the web at http://www.facebook.com/TheThirteenthStep.