Fearing for my safety due to a disgruntled ex-employee

It is with great regret that I announce the discontinuation of Birdie’s employment in the show.

I had no choice but to fire him. He has had a very poor attitude as of late, which created a hostile work environment.

Granted, I did accidentally crush his favorite cage, but I apologized and offered to buy him a new one; he just gave me the silent treatment. Ever since then, he refused to speak to me, and refused to leave his cage. He just sat in there, silently sulking.

When I informed him that I would no longer be needing his services, he just stared at me in a threatening manner. He ignored my requests for him to leave – I had to physically remove him from the house.

He still hasn’t left the property. He’s still out there on the sidewalk, staring at me through the window (see photo, below). I think he’s trying to intimidate me. And, honestly, it’s working. I fear for my safety. There’s no telling what a disgruntled ex-employee will do – especially one who so obviously didn’t like me to begin with.

Do you think I should call the authorities?

BIRD IN CAGE Nathan Allen The Maniac of Magic Comedian Magician Entertainer Entertainment Des Moines Iowa

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Ruptured eardrums and broken fingers

Got some new toys for the show today…

The first is a brand-spankin’ new sound system to take on the road.  I’ve been playing with it all afternoon, and… I love it. It is AMAZING. If you’re in the market for a portable sound system that packs a punch, I highly recommend the YAMAHA STAGEPAS™ 500:
http://www.yamahaproaudio.com/global/en/products/pasystems/stagepas500/index.jsp

In fact, the music store I bought it through was so impressed with it (they had never had one in-stock before, so they tested mine when it arrived), that they said they were going to stop carrying “similar” (they’re not even close) “competing” (it’s not even a competition) portable sound systems and start carrying just *this* one. They were gushing, basically.  It’s an incredible piece of equipment for the traveling performer.

The other toy I got for the show today is… ummm… one of those very inhumane steel-jaw leg-hold animal traps.

Don’t judge me.

You know the type of trap I’m talking about, the ones where steel jaws slam shut when the trigger is activated, slashing the skin and breaking the bones of whichever poor innocent creature happens to get too close.

I don’t want to post the photos here, but if you’re sick and twisted, check out Google Images for “coyote leg trap” to see some pretty disturbing photos of the new toy I’ve been playing with.

Fuck it.  If you’re brave, here is a photo:
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l189/pappyp/coyote4.jpg

I already have several (hopefully not permanent) injuries from this evil device, and I’ve only owned it for a few hours.

Stay tuned for the imminent announcements of ruptured eardrums and broken fingers.

Love youse. Take care.